p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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