I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
