The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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