And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
