if you like me you must not know who I am
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
