Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
