Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
