when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
