The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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