The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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