I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
