I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
