An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
