he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
