dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
