when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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