I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Randomize
