I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
