Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
thus making me awesome and them whores
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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