This girl is more easily done than said...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
