I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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