We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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