and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
