yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
