i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
