That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
