haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
