im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
