Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Randomize
