I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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