So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
