i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
