Don't you send me to vm
Already got asked if we're dating
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
