I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
