I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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