Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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