Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
