Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
