So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
