well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
