Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
