some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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