4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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