Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
