Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
