hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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