apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
