you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
