Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
