so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
