We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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