So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
