He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
