I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
