Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
