You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
